HOWEVER, WHY IS IT HURTFUL BREAKING A RELATIONSHIP?

Managing BREAKUPS.

Thinking or pondering how to handle breakups? I will start by quoting what a true victim of breakup (Rachel) said,

“We have been dating for close to two years and had been friends for more than four years. When he wanted to end the relationship, he couldn’t even face me. He just stopped talking to me and refused picking my calls. I felt helpless. The disappointment was overwhelming. Very traumatic. I kept asking myself, “What did I do wrong?”

A breakup can crush your joyful disposition and replace it with tearful despair. Consider Okechukwu and Chinaza, who dated for six months. Over this period their emotional bond grew. Throughout the day, Okechukwu sent Chinaza sms with expression of endearment. From time to time, he gave her gifts to show that he was thinking of her. “Oke put forth an effort to listen to me and understand me,” Chinaza says. “He made me feel special.”

Before long, Oke and Chinaza were talking about marriage and where they would live as husband and wife. Okey even inquired about Chinaza’s ring size. Then, quite abruptly, he called off the relationship! Chinaza was devastated. She went through the motions of daily life, but she felt numb with shock. She said she became mentally and physically exhausted.”


If you have been in a situation similar to Chinaza, you might well wonder, ‘will I ever be able to move on?’ (Psalm 38:6) your distress is understandable. Sudden breakups in relationships may be one of the most traumatic experiences you ever had to endure. In fact, some have said that it is like a tinydeath. You may even find yourself going through these and perhaps other typical stages of grief. You denial the whole show and think he/she will change his or her mind in a day or two. You may even get annoyed. In addition, you may think you are unlovable and thinks that’s the end of your life. Then as time goes on you will have to accept the show and move on.

The good news is that you can reach the acceptance stage. How much time it will take to get there depends on a number of reasons, including how long your relationship lasted and how far it progressed. In the meantime, how can you cope with the heartbreak?

MOVE FORWARD!

You may have heard the saying, “Time heals all wounds”. When you first breakup, those words might ring hollow. That is because time is only a part of the solution. As an illustration, a cut on your skin will heal in time, but hurts now. You need to stop the bleeding and soothe the pain. You also need to keep it from becoming infected. The same is true with an emotional wound. Now, it hurts. But there are steps you can take to lessen the pain and keep from becoming infected with bitterness. Time will do its part, but how can you do yours? I have listed the following steps in getting over breakups, though the best option is to prevent it from happening.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE

There is nothing wrong with having a good cry. After all, the bible says that there is “a time to weep and even a time to wail”. Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4). Shedding tears doesn’t mean you are weak. In the midst of emotional anguish, even David – a courageous warrior, once admitted: “Every night my bed damp from my weeping; my pillow is soaked with tears.”-Psalm 6:6.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH

Physical exercise and proper nutrition will help replenish the energy lost from emotional toll of a breakup. “Bodily training is beneficial,” 1Timothy 4:8.

KEEP BUSY

Don’t stop doing the things that interest you. Now, more than ever, don’t isolate yourself. Prov. 18:1. Associating with those who care about you will give you something positive on which to focus.

PRAY TO GOD ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND WAITING FOR HIS PERFECT WILL TO BE DONE.

This might be a challenge. After a breakup, some even feel betrayed by God. They reason, ‘I prayed and prayed that he or she will change her mind or that I would find some one, and now look at what happened! It will be wrong to see God as merely a celestial matchmaker. That’s not God. What I know about Him is that HE CARES FOR YOU! So pour out your feelings to Him in prayer. The Word of God states; “Let your petitions be made known to God; and the peace of God that excels all thought will guard your heart and mental powers through daily meditations of God’s word. Prayer is an essential ingredient of our waiting; without it our tarrying is in vain. Those who wait on the Lord pray to the Lord. But the waiting prayer is not a one-shot call to God. Rather, it is a sustained supplication to the creator, “Till He fill they mouth with laughing, and they lips with rejoicing” (Job 8:21). The Word of God is spirit and life. His word is the most vital, if you must overcome the bitterness of breakups. God is working for your good, may be this person is not good enough for you.

LOOKING AHEAD.

After you have had time to heal, you might do well to take a close look at just what happened in your past relationship. When you are ready to do that, you may find that writing out your responses to the following questions will help you:

1. What were the reasons given for the breakup?
2. What other reasons, do you think, might have been involved?
3. In hindsight, is there anything you could have done that would have changed

situation? If so, What?
4. Has this experience revealed anyways in which you would like to grow spiritually

or emotionally?
5. What, if anything, would you do differently in your next relationship?

Yes, the relationship you were involved in didn’t become what you had hoped. Nevertheless, remember this: in the middle of a storm, it’s easy to focus on the dark sky and the pouring rain. Eventually, though, the rain stops and the sky clears. From researches, it is established that in time, you will be able to move on. Be assured that this is true.

Move Ahead!